Hi everyone,
It’s Samantha here, and if you’re like most educators I talk to, you’ve been there. A child is deeply engrossed in building a magnificent block tower, or happily painting a masterpiece, and then… it’s time to clean up. Or go outside. Or switch centers. And they just… stop. They don’t move. They don’t respond. They might even stiffen, or collapse, or start to cry. It’s not defiance, not really. It’s more like they’re emotionally stuck, and that shift feels like an impossible mountain to climb. We often interpret this as willful non-compliance, but often, it's a nervous system response to an unexpected or unwelcome change. Our goal isn't to force compliance, but to gently guide them towards flexibility.
The Power of the Pause and Acknowledge
When a child is stuck, their emotional brain is often in overdrive. Their logical brain (the one that understands 'time to clean up now!') has temporarily logged off. Before you try to prompt them to move, take a beat. Get down to their level, make eye contact if they’re open to it, and gently acknowledge what they’re doing and how they might be feeling. This doesn't mean you're letting them off the hook, but you're connecting with their experience first.
Instead of: "Put the blocks away! We're going outside!"
Try this: "Wow, you've built such an amazing castle with those blocks! It looks like you're really enjoying putting all those pieces together. It's hard to stop when you're having so much fun, isn't it?"
See how that feels? You’re not rushing them, you’re not judging them. You're simply seeing them. This little moment of connection can be enough to disarm some of the resistance and help their nervous system regulate just enough to hear the next step.
Offering Bridges, Not Cliffs
Once you’ve acknowledged their activity and feelings, it’s time to offer a 'bridge' to the next task. Children who get stuck often benefit from small, manageable steps rather than being told to make a giant leap. Think about breaking down the transition into tiny, achievable actions. This gives them agency and helps them feel more in control of the process.
Instead of: "Okay, clean up all the art supplies right now. We need to get ready for circle time."
Try this: (After acknowledging their art) "I can see you're almost done with that beautiful painting. How about we pick up just the red crayons first? Then maybe the blue ones?" (Pause for a response or action). "You picked up all the red crayons! That was so helpful! Now, do you want to put the green paints away, or should I?"
By offering choices and breaking down the task, you're creating a sense of collaboration. You're not just telling them what to do; you're inviting them to be part of the solution. For children who struggle with transitions, visual aids like a 'first, then' board can also be incredibly powerful. "First, we put away the blocks, then we get to read a story."
Future Pacing and Gentle Reminders
Many children struggle with transitions because they are surprised by them. We can support their nervous system by giving them gentle 'future pacing' cues well before the actual transition. This isn't about giving orders; it's about providing information and helping them prepare mentally.
Instead of: (Suddenly) "Okay everyone, clean up! Time for lunch!"
Try this:
- 10 minutes before: "In about 10 minutes, we'll start getting ready for lunch. So if you're building something big, you might want to start thinking about a good 'stopping place' soon."
- 5 minutes before: "Just 5 more minutes until we clean up for lunch. What's one last thing you want to do with your toy before it's time to put it away?"
- 2 minutes before: "Two more minutes! Let's get our bodies ready to help clean up soon."
These gentle reminders, delivered with a calm voice, give children a chance to mentally shift gears. It respects their engagement and gives them some control over the ending of their activity. It also helps manage their expectations and reduces the sudden shock that can trigger a 'stuck' response.
Try this week:
- Practice a 'pause and acknowledge' moment when a child is stuck. See if it shifts the energy before you give an instruction.
- Break down one tricky transition into 2-3 small steps and offer choices within those steps.
- Give a 5-minute and 2-minute heads-up before a regular transition, like clean-up time or going outside, noticing if it reduces resistance.